The White Lotus (phoenixelentari) wrote,
The White Lotus

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Ask Raven and she'll tell you that I have had quite a month behind me. I lost a new found friend to reasons that I am still unsure about and in the mean time some old ones found me again. I should have been devastated about the loss of a friend I had come to care about so deeply and even more shocked that these so called "friends" of mine want to reconnect.

About the former, I wasn't at all upset. For the first time when I should have been hurt I was okay. I wasn't upset and I can honestly say now that even though it ended, I am happy that for that short time he was in my life. When it happened I was content, I was serene. Two things I never thought I would be. Still am... got a swift kick from the Logic Fairie as well. I still don't know where that came from...

About the latter, I think I am pretty much set on those two who want to be friends again. I spent the day with them today. And in the time we have not talked I see that they have pretty much remained the same. And I cannot help but think that somehow they are hoping to recapture the good old days. But for me that ship has sailed... so many things have changed for me... I am not the same person I was back then. And to be honest I don't wanna be that person anymore. I am happier, I have grown so much and I thank God for all the things I have learned since then, some were hard lessons and I may have come out scathed in quite a few. But it made me the person that I am today and I am happy being the way I am now.

I guess this is why people say if they could do anything over again, why there are people who say that they wouldn't change a thing. It is in each and every one of those mistakes, all of those stumbles and falls that you learn about yourself. They make you who you are now.

I guess seeing them today not having grown makes me thankful that I have. It makes me see that I have come so far and that there really is no way back. And that's okay.

Ooh look at me waxing philosophical haha...

Anyway I hope this entry finds you all well. It's been a while since I actually posted something of value on here. I hope that this was a welcome change for you all.

Lots of Love,
Tags: friends, happiness, things i have learned, thinking
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